I'm going to blog about more specific parts of my trip as the Lord puts different experiences on my heart to share with you all. I really hope that you are blessed by it. :)
So, the first portion of Harvest School started in Johannesburg, South Africa.
It was quite a miserable journey to travel there. Kristina threw up for like the entire flight, bless her heart. (I picked up that phrase from my Southern friends.) 14 hours felt like an eternity, and when I informed Kris that we had "only 7 and a half hours to go!", she responded, "SHUT UP THAT IS NOT ENCOURAGING." I thought she might punch me in the face, but instead she just puked, again. We lovingly refer to this time as "the plane ride from hell."
Anyways, a nice man on the plane prayed for her, she stopped puking, and we FINALLY made it to Johannesburg. I've never really had jet lag before, but I definitely had it then. I felt like my whole world was spinning, and I was in this fog where I could hardly make out what people were saying and I was basically unable to function or carry on a normal conversation for the first few days. Thankfully, we arrived on Friday and didn't start class until Monday.
Okay so, now that you have the background info, here is the real story I want to share.
In Johannesburg, we lived in tents. The first night there, I crawled into my tent right after dinner (around 6pm) and went to sleep.
I woke up around 10 because I was FREEZING cold. The temperature was in the 40s and windy, and I was NOT prepared for sleeping outside in that kind of cold. I shivered in my sleeping bag and dug through my suitcase in the dark, trying to find socks and more layers of clothes to put on. There was nothing I could do to get warm, and this deep sadness came over me and I just started to cry and cry. At that moment, I felt completely hopeless. I wanted my family, I wanted home, I wanted a house and a bed and a blanket. A physical and spiritual darkness entered my tent as a feeling of total helplessness, loneliness, and fear took hold of me. I've never felt such an agonizing sorrow in my life. I cried until I could hardly breathe, and then tried my best to calm down enough to sleep, but sleep didn't come for a long time.
And it continued like this for many days. Here I was in a country I'd never been to, surrounded by hundreds of people I didn't know, where anything and everything familiar seemed to have been suddenly ripped away from me. It was so cold, I missed my family so much, I could barely use my phone because we had no electricity, so if I used it too much, it would die. Many nights I went to bed without brushing my teeth (gross, I know) because I was just too cold to walk across the field to get (freezing cold) water.
For about the whole first week, every day when it began to get dark, I would start to cry. And I cried (hysterically) for hours until I finally fell into anything but a smooth sleep. I wondered what on earth I was doing here. I started to have thoughts that I couldn't do this, I couldn't be a missionary, I couldn't leave my family, I couldn't live in Africa. I felt like a little girl on the first day of kindergarten, when everything is new and scary and uncertain. I was miserable, and even the thought of having to make it 3 whole months was enough to make me break down. I was a total wreck inside, and I believe that it was a spiritual oppression.
And then, one day, I remembered that SEVERAL people had given me Psalm 91 before I left for Africa. In letters, prayers, facebook messages, and even a framed map of Africa with the psalm written over it (from my grandpa). I thought wow, if so many people have given me this verse, God must have known I would need it.
So I read it. And I read it again. And it ministered to my heart.
I started to memorize it. I loved it. That psalm was my safe place in the world. So at night, I curled up in my sleeping bag and five layers of clothes (and my new, super warm blanket that Jesus blessed me with), and I read Psalm 91 out loud. A feeling of peace came over me that I'd been desperately lacking. I read it over and over until I fell asleep. And every time I woke up throughout the night and the feeling of darkness and hysteria would start to come, I would grab my Bible (which was next to my pillow, open to Psalm 91) and my flashlight and read it over and over.
I even wrote it on the inside of my tent.
After a few days, I had the whole thing memorized. I was crying less and less. I started to forget all my feelings of doubt and fear. I would lay there and say it over and over until I fell asleep.
One night, I woke up and saw lights all around my tent - individual lights. Not like someone was going to the toilet with their flashlight, it was much brighter and much different, and the lights surrounded my tent.
The Lord said to me, "My angels are around your tent, and the demons won't come back any more."
I went to sleep, slept the rest of the night, and slept through the night for the rest of our time in Johannesburg.
He reminded me of Psalm 91:10 - Then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
And the demons never came back.
In that tent, I died.
I died to myself, my comforts, and everything familiar.
Everything I depended and relied on before was gone, every backup plan and safety cushion had been torn away, and for the first time in my life, I truly had nothing but Jesus.
I learned to fully trust in him like never before, and the way He took care of me was so beautiful.
He didn't have to send angels to guard my tent. He didn't have to give me peace and joy. He didn't even have to take away the pain from me. But he did, so lovingly.
He knew exactly what I needed and He was more than faithful. I had never felt nearly as close to him as when I laid in my tent and read those verses and as small and helpless as I was, He sustained me.
There are no words to explain how he took all of my confusion, loneliness, fear, sorrow, and completely replaced it all with this deep, indescribable peace.
He literally drove out all the darkness and gave me himself.
He was all I had, and he was more than enough.
I never want to leave that place of total dependency on my savior.
So, the first portion of Harvest School started in Johannesburg, South Africa.
It was quite a miserable journey to travel there. Kristina threw up for like the entire flight, bless her heart. (I picked up that phrase from my Southern friends.) 14 hours felt like an eternity, and when I informed Kris that we had "only 7 and a half hours to go!", she responded, "SHUT UP THAT IS NOT ENCOURAGING." I thought she might punch me in the face, but instead she just puked, again. We lovingly refer to this time as "the plane ride from hell."
Anyways, a nice man on the plane prayed for her, she stopped puking, and we FINALLY made it to Johannesburg. I've never really had jet lag before, but I definitely had it then. I felt like my whole world was spinning, and I was in this fog where I could hardly make out what people were saying and I was basically unable to function or carry on a normal conversation for the first few days. Thankfully, we arrived on Friday and didn't start class until Monday.
Okay so, now that you have the background info, here is the real story I want to share.
In Johannesburg, we lived in tents. The first night there, I crawled into my tent right after dinner (around 6pm) and went to sleep.
I woke up around 10 because I was FREEZING cold. The temperature was in the 40s and windy, and I was NOT prepared for sleeping outside in that kind of cold. I shivered in my sleeping bag and dug through my suitcase in the dark, trying to find socks and more layers of clothes to put on. There was nothing I could do to get warm, and this deep sadness came over me and I just started to cry and cry. At that moment, I felt completely hopeless. I wanted my family, I wanted home, I wanted a house and a bed and a blanket. A physical and spiritual darkness entered my tent as a feeling of total helplessness, loneliness, and fear took hold of me. I've never felt such an agonizing sorrow in my life. I cried until I could hardly breathe, and then tried my best to calm down enough to sleep, but sleep didn't come for a long time.
And it continued like this for many days. Here I was in a country I'd never been to, surrounded by hundreds of people I didn't know, where anything and everything familiar seemed to have been suddenly ripped away from me. It was so cold, I missed my family so much, I could barely use my phone because we had no electricity, so if I used it too much, it would die. Many nights I went to bed without brushing my teeth (gross, I know) because I was just too cold to walk across the field to get (freezing cold) water.
For about the whole first week, every day when it began to get dark, I would start to cry. And I cried (hysterically) for hours until I finally fell into anything but a smooth sleep. I wondered what on earth I was doing here. I started to have thoughts that I couldn't do this, I couldn't be a missionary, I couldn't leave my family, I couldn't live in Africa. I felt like a little girl on the first day of kindergarten, when everything is new and scary and uncertain. I was miserable, and even the thought of having to make it 3 whole months was enough to make me break down. I was a total wreck inside, and I believe that it was a spiritual oppression.
And then, one day, I remembered that SEVERAL people had given me Psalm 91 before I left for Africa. In letters, prayers, facebook messages, and even a framed map of Africa with the psalm written over it (from my grandpa). I thought wow, if so many people have given me this verse, God must have known I would need it.
So I read it. And I read it again. And it ministered to my heart.
I started to memorize it. I loved it. That psalm was my safe place in the world. So at night, I curled up in my sleeping bag and five layers of clothes (and my new, super warm blanket that Jesus blessed me with), and I read Psalm 91 out loud. A feeling of peace came over me that I'd been desperately lacking. I read it over and over until I fell asleep. And every time I woke up throughout the night and the feeling of darkness and hysteria would start to come, I would grab my Bible (which was next to my pillow, open to Psalm 91) and my flashlight and read it over and over.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.
After a few days, I had the whole thing memorized. I was crying less and less. I started to forget all my feelings of doubt and fear. I would lay there and say it over and over until I fell asleep.
One night, I woke up and saw lights all around my tent - individual lights. Not like someone was going to the toilet with their flashlight, it was much brighter and much different, and the lights surrounded my tent.
The Lord said to me, "My angels are around your tent, and the demons won't come back any more."
I went to sleep, slept the rest of the night, and slept through the night for the rest of our time in Johannesburg.
He reminded me of Psalm 91:10 - Then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
And the demons never came back.
In that tent, I died.
I died to myself, my comforts, and everything familiar.
Everything I depended and relied on before was gone, every backup plan and safety cushion had been torn away, and for the first time in my life, I truly had nothing but Jesus.
I learned to fully trust in him like never before, and the way He took care of me was so beautiful.
He didn't have to send angels to guard my tent. He didn't have to give me peace and joy. He didn't even have to take away the pain from me. But he did, so lovingly.
He knew exactly what I needed and He was more than faithful. I had never felt nearly as close to him as when I laid in my tent and read those verses and as small and helpless as I was, He sustained me.
There are no words to explain how he took all of my confusion, loneliness, fear, sorrow, and completely replaced it all with this deep, indescribable peace.
He literally drove out all the darkness and gave me himself.
He was all I had, and he was more than enough.
I never want to leave that place of total dependency on my savior.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the LORD, who is my refuge -
then no harm will befall you; no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.
They will lift you up in your hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him,
for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Psalm 91
