Haiti 2012!!!!!!

Hi everyone!! I'm typing this on super sketchy internet connection right now (the storm yesterday knocked out our internet for some reason) so I can't guarantee that this will work but we can only hope for the best :)

Well, most of you know my story up to this point. If not, I'll sum it up for you, or you can read

this post

and

this post

:)

Well, long story short, in August 2011, I was praying about missions and really felt in my heart that God wanted me to give all my babysitting money to Speed the Light for one year.

When He told me this, I realized that I couldn’t go to San Luis, Mexico in summer 2012. I was devastated and heartbroken, but at the same time had peace about it from day 1.

Over this past year, I reeeeally learned that God is faithful.

He is so faithful.

I got an email about a mission trip to Africa, and I was like, oh okay, this must be why God told me not to go to Mexico.

I also applied/was accepted for a trip to Cincinnati in September 2012.

When Africa fell through, God continued to give me peace. I knew he still had a plan, even though it seemed like nothing would work out.

I trusted and believed that God would work things out because, see, he always has.

Into this summer, as of yesterday actually, I kept praying and kept feeling God reassuring me that I WOULD go on a mission trip this summer. And at some point, I would be in an orphanage in another country somewhere.

Now, let me tell you, I’m basically broke. All my needs are met and God has provided more than enough (praise the Lord), but there was “no way” I could go on a mission trip this summer.

It was the middle of July and I had $13 in the bank.

There was “no way” I could “afford” to go anywhere now.

Well, on Tuesday, July 17^th, I woke up really early in the morning super sick. And by Wednesday I was basically fine, but didn’t go to church because I didn’t want to over do it.

So my mom left to pick up my brother and sister from church.

But when she came back, it was just her and my brother.

I was like…. where’s Mia?

She told me worship ran late and Pastor Anthony was bringing her home.

I was like oh, okay.

Then she was like “help me clean in case they come in!”

Ummm, Mother, it’s the middle of the night, I’m sure they won’t come in.

Well, Mia came home… and Kandace… and Pastor Anthony J

***Note, if you are just skimming, this is the part where you really need to read*****

We were sitting at the table and Pastor Anthony said “Well, never fear, I brought you…. a note sheet from tonight.” and he gave me a note sheet,

then he gave me some incline cards, and then he said “And I have this for you.”

And handed me a shirt rolled up in a rubber band.

I was like…. what is it?

And he told me to open it, so I did, and the shirt said
“Haiti 2012”

I was like… what is this for!?!?

And he was like, Haiti!

First I thought they just had an extra tshirt.

And then he said “You’re gonna need it!”

And I was like for what!?

And he said “Haiti!”

And then I thought like… maybe I was supposed to wear it… while they were in Haiti… to pray for them..??

And then he started telling me how everyone was going to be wearing them in Haiti and I’ll stand out if I don’t have one.

And I was like. WAIT A MINUTE WHAT.

And he told me I’M GOING TO HAITI!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!

A spot opened on the team, and I am going to Haiti.

Totally, 100% planned out by God, perfect, cost free and by no means of my own strength.

Matches up completely with everything I have prayed about and for and everything He has placed on my heart.

He made a way when there was no way!

Seriously ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I am still basically in total shock.

All I can say is…

God. is. so. good. And so faithful. And so perfect.

We leave for Haiti on Monday, July 23^rd, and we’re coming back Tuesday, July 31^st.

I’m going to Haiti in 4 days.

And my God. Is. Incredible.

My current emotional/mental/spiritual state.

In case you were wondering :)

A good song to listen to while reading this would be Worth It All ~ Rita Springer.
Well as you probably know, a team from my church is in San Luis, Mexico right now.
And I am not.

If you don't know why, read this post.

So here's what I'm thinking and feeling.

Thought #1: This is hard.
This is really, really hard.

I remember that night in August 2011, sobbing uncontrollably at the altar when God told me that a trip to Mexico wasn't what He had for me this time.
And to be honest, I cried just as hard last night, the night before they left.
I wanted my suitcase to be on the floor by my bed, filled with bubbles and stickers and paint supplies and little clothes.
I wanted to be too excited to sleep, no too sad.
I wanted to wake up at 2am and get ready to leave, not wake up at 2am and go back to bed.

Ever since the first time I went to Mexico in 2009, I've always had this dream where my church goes there and I don't. And I wake up so sad.
Except this time it's not a dream.
Part of me keeps half-expecting to wake up and go to San Luis.
And then I remember that this is real, and I'm not going.

This is not going to be easy.

Thought #2: This is a sacrifice.

I realized last night that this is, in fact, a sacrifice.
A sacrifice of the thing I love most, for STL and God's plan.
An abandonment of my favorite thing in the world, because I love God more.
And this is how sacrifices are SUPPOSED to be!
There's supposed to be pain involved. It wouldn't be a sacrifice if it didn't hurt a little.
It wouldn't be a sacrifice if it wasn't hard to give up!
So, in a way, this is actually a good kind of pain.

A pain that I will refuse to do anything less than praise God through.

Thought #3: He has a plan.

Last night after our traditional night-before-Mexico-phone call, I hung up the phone, laid on my bed, and cried. Bethy texted me after we had hung up and said "Don't lose sight of why you're not going"
And then I was like, oh yeah!
This isn't a punishment from God.
The point of this isnt to have a broken heart while my friends go love on orphans without me because God to me not to go for no reason!
HE'S DOING SOMETHING!

Africa ended up not working out. Did I hear from God wrong? Was I not listening? Did I make it up in my head? Was God wrong? Was the trip leader wrong?
NOPE!
I completely, totally, 100 percent, wholeheartedly believe that sometimes God calls us to something with the intention of leading us to something else.
For example: calling a family to adopt a child, but, through that adoption falling through, the family ends up with another child who God had placed in their family from the very beginning.
Or God calling someone to one country, but, through that not working out, that person ends up in the country God had always planned for them to be in.

Don't underestimate God! He is not limited by our limitations!

I KNOW that he is doing something amazing, and I can't wait to find out what it is!

Thought #4: 'But joy comes in the morning.'

I love this verse: "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5 NKJV

Right now I'm sad.
Right now it hurts.
Right now I don't know what He's doing, and I can't see the moment when this will be worth it.

But notice that all those statements started with right now!
Someday, this will be worth it
I have faith that God has a plan.
I have faith that it is the BEST possible plan for my life.

And if this is how He wants to do it,
then it is an honor to be broken for Him.

I know my God is faithful.
I know that this saddness is temporary, and his joy is ETERNAL.

I can't wait to see what he does.
Because I know that it will be incredible.

"Always faithful, always good. You still have me, You still have my heart."
♥ ~Gungor.