Haiti 2012!!!!!!

Hi everyone!! I'm typing this on super sketchy internet connection right now (the storm yesterday knocked out our internet for some reason) so I can't guarantee that this will work but we can only hope for the best :)

Well, most of you know my story up to this point. If not, I'll sum it up for you, or you can read

this post

and

this post

:)

Well, long story short, in August 2011, I was praying about missions and really felt in my heart that God wanted me to give all my babysitting money to Speed the Light for one year.

When He told me this, I realized that I couldn’t go to San Luis, Mexico in summer 2012. I was devastated and heartbroken, but at the same time had peace about it from day 1.

Over this past year, I reeeeally learned that God is faithful.

He is so faithful.

I got an email about a mission trip to Africa, and I was like, oh okay, this must be why God told me not to go to Mexico.

I also applied/was accepted for a trip to Cincinnati in September 2012.

When Africa fell through, God continued to give me peace. I knew he still had a plan, even though it seemed like nothing would work out.

I trusted and believed that God would work things out because, see, he always has.

Into this summer, as of yesterday actually, I kept praying and kept feeling God reassuring me that I WOULD go on a mission trip this summer. And at some point, I would be in an orphanage in another country somewhere.

Now, let me tell you, I’m basically broke. All my needs are met and God has provided more than enough (praise the Lord), but there was “no way” I could go on a mission trip this summer.

It was the middle of July and I had $13 in the bank.

There was “no way” I could “afford” to go anywhere now.

Well, on Tuesday, July 17^th, I woke up really early in the morning super sick. And by Wednesday I was basically fine, but didn’t go to church because I didn’t want to over do it.

So my mom left to pick up my brother and sister from church.

But when she came back, it was just her and my brother.

I was like…. where’s Mia?

She told me worship ran late and Pastor Anthony was bringing her home.

I was like oh, okay.

Then she was like “help me clean in case they come in!”

Ummm, Mother, it’s the middle of the night, I’m sure they won’t come in.

Well, Mia came home… and Kandace… and Pastor Anthony J

***Note, if you are just skimming, this is the part where you really need to read*****

We were sitting at the table and Pastor Anthony said “Well, never fear, I brought you…. a note sheet from tonight.” and he gave me a note sheet,

then he gave me some incline cards, and then he said “And I have this for you.”

And handed me a shirt rolled up in a rubber band.

I was like…. what is it?

And he told me to open it, so I did, and the shirt said
“Haiti 2012”

I was like… what is this for!?!?

And he was like, Haiti!

First I thought they just had an extra tshirt.

And then he said “You’re gonna need it!”

And I was like for what!?

And he said “Haiti!”

And then I thought like… maybe I was supposed to wear it… while they were in Haiti… to pray for them..??

And then he started telling me how everyone was going to be wearing them in Haiti and I’ll stand out if I don’t have one.

And I was like. WAIT A MINUTE WHAT.

And he told me I’M GOING TO HAITI!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!

A spot opened on the team, and I am going to Haiti.

Totally, 100% planned out by God, perfect, cost free and by no means of my own strength.

Matches up completely with everything I have prayed about and for and everything He has placed on my heart.

He made a way when there was no way!

Seriously ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I am still basically in total shock.

All I can say is…

God. is. so. good. And so faithful. And so perfect.

We leave for Haiti on Monday, July 23^rd, and we’re coming back Tuesday, July 31^st.

I’m going to Haiti in 4 days.

And my God. Is. Incredible.

My current emotional/mental/spiritual state.

In case you were wondering :)

A good song to listen to while reading this would be Worth It All ~ Rita Springer.
Well as you probably know, a team from my church is in San Luis, Mexico right now.
And I am not.

If you don't know why, read this post.

So here's what I'm thinking and feeling.

Thought #1: This is hard.
This is really, really hard.

I remember that night in August 2011, sobbing uncontrollably at the altar when God told me that a trip to Mexico wasn't what He had for me this time.
And to be honest, I cried just as hard last night, the night before they left.
I wanted my suitcase to be on the floor by my bed, filled with bubbles and stickers and paint supplies and little clothes.
I wanted to be too excited to sleep, no too sad.
I wanted to wake up at 2am and get ready to leave, not wake up at 2am and go back to bed.

Ever since the first time I went to Mexico in 2009, I've always had this dream where my church goes there and I don't. And I wake up so sad.
Except this time it's not a dream.
Part of me keeps half-expecting to wake up and go to San Luis.
And then I remember that this is real, and I'm not going.

This is not going to be easy.

Thought #2: This is a sacrifice.

I realized last night that this is, in fact, a sacrifice.
A sacrifice of the thing I love most, for STL and God's plan.
An abandonment of my favorite thing in the world, because I love God more.
And this is how sacrifices are SUPPOSED to be!
There's supposed to be pain involved. It wouldn't be a sacrifice if it didn't hurt a little.
It wouldn't be a sacrifice if it wasn't hard to give up!
So, in a way, this is actually a good kind of pain.

A pain that I will refuse to do anything less than praise God through.

Thought #3: He has a plan.

Last night after our traditional night-before-Mexico-phone call, I hung up the phone, laid on my bed, and cried. Bethy texted me after we had hung up and said "Don't lose sight of why you're not going"
And then I was like, oh yeah!
This isn't a punishment from God.
The point of this isnt to have a broken heart while my friends go love on orphans without me because God to me not to go for no reason!
HE'S DOING SOMETHING!

Africa ended up not working out. Did I hear from God wrong? Was I not listening? Did I make it up in my head? Was God wrong? Was the trip leader wrong?
NOPE!
I completely, totally, 100 percent, wholeheartedly believe that sometimes God calls us to something with the intention of leading us to something else.
For example: calling a family to adopt a child, but, through that adoption falling through, the family ends up with another child who God had placed in their family from the very beginning.
Or God calling someone to one country, but, through that not working out, that person ends up in the country God had always planned for them to be in.

Don't underestimate God! He is not limited by our limitations!

I KNOW that he is doing something amazing, and I can't wait to find out what it is!

Thought #4: 'But joy comes in the morning.'

I love this verse: "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5 NKJV

Right now I'm sad.
Right now it hurts.
Right now I don't know what He's doing, and I can't see the moment when this will be worth it.

But notice that all those statements started with right now!
Someday, this will be worth it
I have faith that God has a plan.
I have faith that it is the BEST possible plan for my life.

And if this is how He wants to do it,
then it is an honor to be broken for Him.

I know my God is faithful.
I know that this saddness is temporary, and his joy is ETERNAL.

I can't wait to see what he does.
Because I know that it will be incredible.

"Always faithful, always good. You still have me, You still have my heart."
♥ ~Gungor.

Running/Reading.

Okay, two things God asked of me this summer: To run, and to read the Bible (the whole thing).
Now let me just let you know, I am not a runner.
Let me say this again in case you missed that.
I am not a runner.
I love it, but I cannot sit here and tell you I'm good at it :)
Okay now that we've cleared that up, let me explain.

Here is something I've learned: Running and reading the Bible are kind of alike.

On the first day, I definitely overestimated myself.
I ran up one hill, (a really big hill) almost threw up, and came home.
I was like, yeah right this is never going to happen.
But I am glad to say that this morning, day six, I ran up 2 hills, down 3, and of course the regular roads that led to those hills! And every morning I can go a little further and it gets a little easier and I feel a little better.
Today when I left my house it was 6:15. I planned out how far I wanted to go, added a little more distance and figured it would take me at least 30 minutes. When I came home it was 6:29.
14 MINUTES!? Yay.
I'm definitely not trying to be impressive to anyone else, but I am impressed with myself :)
I've noticed that I have more energy and just overall feel better.
And it's like the more I do it the more natural it is, and the more I notice it in my life.

Now the Bible part.
I've never read it cover to cover. I've read the whole thing before, but not from Genesis to Revelation.
I always found that the Old Testament was always a lot harder to read (and by read I mean understand and be into) than the New Testament. I'm sure if you've read it you've probably felt the same.
I started reading the Bible and trying to make it a priority in my life when I was in 8th grade.
I have to admit I hated the Old Testament. But now, 2 or 3 years later, I can read it, understand it for the most part, and I like it. (Obviously I'm not an expert on it of course). I just read Exodus in 2 days. I feel like when I talk to God at night, I have a better understanding of the glory, power, majesty, greatness, and worthiness of the God I'm praying to.
Now let me make this clear: I'm not trying to boast about being able to read the Old Testament or how much of the Bible I've read.
Because that's hypocritical, and all I want is God's glory in this.
Reading the Bible isnt something you're "good at".

But I want to encourage you in this: the more you do it, the more it's like running.
I know that reading the Bible isnt always "easy". It's not always exciting and it can be time consuming and boring and maybe even frustrating sometimes.
But the more you read, the more you understand. The more you understand, the more you realize how exciting it actually is. How crazy it is.
The more you read, the more you start to notice it in your life.
A situation will come up, and a verse will come into your head. Or you'll find yourself giving advice, and actually know how to back up what you're saying with scripture.
Your faith becomes your own, and you actually know what you believe and know the God you believe in.
The more you read, the more you can read.
The more you want to read.
The more natural it is.
And suddenly it's not a burden but you realize how worthy God is of your time and how much you need to read it.
It's God's word right there for you!

I don't know if what I just said made a lot of sense, but hopefully it does for someone and hopefully you will test it and find out for yourself how much reading the Bible can actually effect your life :)

Africa 2012

Update:
Hellooooo everyone!
I just recieved an email saying that this trip to Africa was moved.
Now the date is May 20th - June 3rd.

I really do feel called to this trip.
Open to the possibility that maybe this isn't what God has for me.
But until I feel him telling me otherwise, I'm going to try my best to go.

The biggest thing that is currently in the way is the fact that I need someone over 18 to come with me.
Since I'm 16, the organization won't allow me to go by myself.

Like I said before, please pray about this and see if God is asking you to go too.
It could be you :)

Thank you everyone and God bless!

Gianna

How Big is Your Army?

I hope it's small.

Now you think that was rude or crazy or something don't you? ;)
Let me explain.

In Judges 7, Gideon, leader of the Israelite army, is preparing to fight the Midianites.
There are a lot of Midianites.
But Gideon had 32,000 men. So he was good. Right?

No, God told Gideon his army was too big.
So Gideon told everyone who was afraid, to leave.
22,000 left.
Now Gideon had 10,000 men. A lot less. Now he was good... right?

No, God told Gideon his army was still too big.
He told Gideon to take his men down to the water.
He said that some men would drink from cupped hands, lapping like dogs.
This would be his army.
The rest who got on their knees to drink would not.
300 men lapped the water like dogs.
Three. Hundred.

How do you think Gideon was feeling now?
Well let's recap.
He had 32,000 men to defeat the Midianites.
Now he has 300.
And there are a lot of Midianites.

See, as frustrating and scary as this probably was to Gideon, he chose to trust God.
When God made his army small, Gideon was forced to realize that God was the only one who could get him through this.

You can probably guess how the story ends.
The Israelites won the battle.

But maybe that's not a fair statement.
Maybe I should really say God won the battle.

See, God did all this for a reason.
He knew that if the Israelites had won with 32,000 men, they would boast that they won it by their own size and their own strength.
And, even though this would be comfortable for them, they would miss God in it.

But God is a smart guy.
He knew that if the Israelites won the battle with only 300 men, they would know that they only conquered the Midianites completely by the grace and power of God.
And, even though making the army so small this would be hard for them,
God knew that this was the only way they would find him in it.
He knew that this was the way his glory would be shown.

Now let's talk about your army.
And by your army, I mean your life.

If your life was perfect.
If your parents' (or your) marriage was perfect, if every relationship you had with anyone was good, if no one ever died, if you never got sick, if you never struggled,
your army would be big.
And, while this would be comfortable for us,
we'd miss God in it!

But I'm sure you've noticed, our lives are not perfect.
Our parents fight. Our friends aren't always friends. We lose people we love. We get sick. We get abandoned. We struggle.
Our armies are small.

And, as much as this hurts,
we are forced to realize that the only way we'll come out of this is by the grace and power of God.
So even though it's hard, we must choose to trust him.
Because God has promised to be faithful.
He has promised that, when the time is perfect, He will get us out.
And we are more than conquerors in him. (Romans 8:37)
When we see the victory,
we will know that it was God.

So, "Get up! The Lord has given the Midianite camp into your hands."
Judges 7:15

Waiting.

Are you waiting?
I know we wait for things all the time. I don't mean waiting for lunch, waiting in line, waiting for someone to get home from work, waiting for it to be time for something, etc.
I mean waiting for God.

Are you waiting for his direction? Or maybe you're waiting for his answer. Or his intervention.
Maybe you're waiting for him to work in your family or your marriage.
Or for him to just do something.
Maybe you're waiting for healing.

Well that's good. Keep waiting :)

God's timing is perfect. He knows the plan he has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and he knows how this is all going to turn out.

Waiting is hard. Trust me, I know.
It's hard because in our eyes and from what we can know and understand, it feels like it's been forever, right?
Because we only see the now. We don't see the future like God does.
There's a quote I really like and I don't know who it's from, but it says,
"We don't need to know what the future holds, we just need to know Who holds the future."

Love that. So true.

Here's something about waiting that I realized the other day. Actually a week and two days ago if you want to be exact.

We show love to God by waiting on him.
Just by waiting and trusting him.

1 Corinthians 13 says "Love is patient, love is kind.." etc. You probably know that verse.

Love is patient!

The Bible says that God works everything together for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28)

So I know that waiting is sometimes frustrating and hard.
But I just want to encourage you to love God with your patience.
He is the God who holds the future, and the God who holds time itself.
He's perfect.
Trust him with all of your heart,
it will be so worth it!!

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. (Philippians 4:13).

Remember, if God was small enough for us to understand, he wouldn't be big enough to handle our problems.
This is not forever!


Love,
Someone who is waiting too.

Africa 2012?

Alright. Bear with me. Please read :)

Last year I went to San Luis, Mexico. It was my third time going there.
Somewhere in the week of orphanages, villages, sand, paint, rehabs, spanish, and shut ins that was almost routine (and at the same time not really because how could something so amazing ever become routine), I realized I felt different.

I can't explain it. Not worse, but not better, just... different. Strange. I didn't understand it so I just tried to pretend I felt fine.
But I didn't.

Every night, our team had a meeting. We studied something from the Bible, talked about our day, shared whatever was on our hearts, and prayed together. (Words can't explain how awesome that was and how it held us together as a team.)
One night someone on our team was sharing how he felt... you guessed it... different.
And he said that he realized maybe it was because next year he wouldn't be coming back.
..... oh no.

Everything he said about his situation perfectly described mine. Word for word.
I felt God saying that it was me, too.

Not go back?

Impossible. I couldn't. I had to go back. My whole heart was in that village. I wasn't strong enough. I had to go back. What about Ricardo. What about his family. What about the whole village. I couldn't. I had to. I couldn't.
My heart was so broken. I couldn't bear it. So, I ignored the thought and somehow managed to push it all the way out of my head.

Fast forward a month. August.

I was at incline (my youth group) one night. Pastor Anthony was talking about Speed the Light, which you can read about here if you don't know about it.

**Rewind.** For the past few months, I had been feeling really convicted about giving. I went on stage and told everyone why they should give, I prayed, I gave sacrificially, but still I felt like I needed to do something more. So I'd been praying about what it was exactly that God wanted me to do.

** Okay, back to August.** Pastor Anthony finished talking about STL and was praying over the offering. I was praying too. Then I had a vision. There were all these children standing in front of me from different countries. They were just.. staring at me. As if I was their only hope. There was a little girl in the front that stood out for some reason.
Someone handed me the jar for the offering. The vision stayed.
I had no money. So I passed the jar to the person beside me.

When it left my hand, the little girl started to cry.
And they walked away.

We went to worship and I barely made it to the altar before I fell to my knees and burst into tears.
It pierced my heart. I couldn't get the image out of my head. I let her down.
I asked God, what are You doing?

It was then that He told me what to do.
He asked for all of my babysitting money (aka my sole source of income) for one year.
I said okay God, I'll do that. Anything.

Then it hit me.
I'll have no money.
I can't go to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure I've never cried so hard in my entire life.
To give God Mexico was to give Him the thing that meant the most to me.
The one thing I loved most in this world.
But I said yes.
After all, He's God. He knows best.

It was so hard. Why? I'd always known there would come a summer when I wouldn't go back. Nowhere at all in my mind did I ever think I'd go there every year of my life. And I'd always known it would be hard. But I didn't know I would be so thoroughly broken.
And it wasn't that I was being selfish and upset because I wasn't getting my way. I wanted God's will to be done. 100 percent. It was just that I'd fallen in love. And to think of not going back hurt, a lot.

Worship was wrapped up and everyone was going to their seats, but I couldn't stop crying. Actually bawling was a better word. Why did this hurt so much? I didn't know.
Heather (one of my favorite people on the face of the earth) and I went in the back of the gym and I told her everything that just happened.
I wish I wrote down what she said. But she told me that if this was really what God wanted, He would be faithful.
He would be faithful.
When she said that so much peace came over me. I knew God's plan was better than my own.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

The next couple days, I was sad. I was broken. But God healed that. He gave me such overwhelming peace. I knew it would all work out.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So fast forward a few more months.

The email that pretty much changed everything.

I'm going to exclude some words as I'm not allowed to say specific countries or names. But here it goes.

"Dear Gianna,

Please be advised that our trip dates for... Africa in [country name] have now set and confirmed with our in country staff, and we are going on May 1-15, 2012. I pray that these dates will be good for... you, and you can now complete your applications and references to join us this trip.

We will be working on the island of [name] and also on the mainland during our stay. A pastor's conference is being planned for us to have access to pastor's from all over the region, and we will also be showing the Jesus Film at both locations.

Remember that the predominant language in that country is [languages]. So brush up on any of those languages, but if English is your only language, there will be much work to do among those that know some English, and they love to be able to practice English with some native English speakers.

We will be sending you a lot more information as we develop throughout then next three or four months. If you have any questions you need answered in the meantime, please feel free to call me any time.

We are looking forward to serving our Lord together with you."

WHAT!?!?!?

Okay, long story short: Praying, fasting, praying, praying.

This email came a few months ago, and I am almost positive I am supposed to go on this trip.

I believe that if this is what God wants, He will be faithful.

The only way this is going to happen is God.

Please join me in prayer about these things:

Money. That's a given. No way to sugar-coat it. It's going to cost a lot of money that I don't have. I'm hoping to get a job next month when I turn 16, which will help, but not be enough. Please pray for me in this area.

Even with this, I still will be giving all of my babysitting money to STL for the year of 2012. If you need any house work done, or if there is anything else I can do for you, let me know :)

Someone to come with me.

Yup, you read that right. Since I'm not 18, I can't go alone.

So the only way I can go is if I have someone 18 or older with me.

I know this is an incredibly crazy thing to ask, but please, please pray about if this is you.

I can get you more specific information than what I am allowed to post online.

If it is God's plan for me to go on this trip, He must have a plan for someone else we just don't know about yet :)

Thank you in advance for the prayers. I love you all and can't wait to see what God does in the next couple months.

PS this is crazy.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we could ever ask or imagine." Ephesians 3:20 NCV