Africa 2012?

Alright. Bear with me. Please read :)

Last year I went to San Luis, Mexico. It was my third time going there.
Somewhere in the week of orphanages, villages, sand, paint, rehabs, spanish, and shut ins that was almost routine (and at the same time not really because how could something so amazing ever become routine), I realized I felt different.

I can't explain it. Not worse, but not better, just... different. Strange. I didn't understand it so I just tried to pretend I felt fine.
But I didn't.

Every night, our team had a meeting. We studied something from the Bible, talked about our day, shared whatever was on our hearts, and prayed together. (Words can't explain how awesome that was and how it held us together as a team.)
One night someone on our team was sharing how he felt... you guessed it... different.
And he said that he realized maybe it was because next year he wouldn't be coming back.
..... oh no.

Everything he said about his situation perfectly described mine. Word for word.
I felt God saying that it was me, too.

Not go back?

Impossible. I couldn't. I had to go back. My whole heart was in that village. I wasn't strong enough. I had to go back. What about Ricardo. What about his family. What about the whole village. I couldn't. I had to. I couldn't.
My heart was so broken. I couldn't bear it. So, I ignored the thought and somehow managed to push it all the way out of my head.

Fast forward a month. August.

I was at incline (my youth group) one night. Pastor Anthony was talking about Speed the Light, which you can read about here if you don't know about it.

**Rewind.** For the past few months, I had been feeling really convicted about giving. I went on stage and told everyone why they should give, I prayed, I gave sacrificially, but still I felt like I needed to do something more. So I'd been praying about what it was exactly that God wanted me to do.

** Okay, back to August.** Pastor Anthony finished talking about STL and was praying over the offering. I was praying too. Then I had a vision. There were all these children standing in front of me from different countries. They were just.. staring at me. As if I was their only hope. There was a little girl in the front that stood out for some reason.
Someone handed me the jar for the offering. The vision stayed.
I had no money. So I passed the jar to the person beside me.

When it left my hand, the little girl started to cry.
And they walked away.

We went to worship and I barely made it to the altar before I fell to my knees and burst into tears.
It pierced my heart. I couldn't get the image out of my head. I let her down.
I asked God, what are You doing?

It was then that He told me what to do.
He asked for all of my babysitting money (aka my sole source of income) for one year.
I said okay God, I'll do that. Anything.

Then it hit me.
I'll have no money.
I can't go to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure I've never cried so hard in my entire life.
To give God Mexico was to give Him the thing that meant the most to me.
The one thing I loved most in this world.
But I said yes.
After all, He's God. He knows best.

It was so hard. Why? I'd always known there would come a summer when I wouldn't go back. Nowhere at all in my mind did I ever think I'd go there every year of my life. And I'd always known it would be hard. But I didn't know I would be so thoroughly broken.
And it wasn't that I was being selfish and upset because I wasn't getting my way. I wanted God's will to be done. 100 percent. It was just that I'd fallen in love. And to think of not going back hurt, a lot.

Worship was wrapped up and everyone was going to their seats, but I couldn't stop crying. Actually bawling was a better word. Why did this hurt so much? I didn't know.
Heather (one of my favorite people on the face of the earth) and I went in the back of the gym and I told her everything that just happened.
I wish I wrote down what she said. But she told me that if this was really what God wanted, He would be faithful.
He would be faithful.
When she said that so much peace came over me. I knew God's plan was better than my own.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

The next couple days, I was sad. I was broken. But God healed that. He gave me such overwhelming peace. I knew it would all work out.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So fast forward a few more months.

The email that pretty much changed everything.

I'm going to exclude some words as I'm not allowed to say specific countries or names. But here it goes.

"Dear Gianna,

Please be advised that our trip dates for... Africa in [country name] have now set and confirmed with our in country staff, and we are going on May 1-15, 2012. I pray that these dates will be good for... you, and you can now complete your applications and references to join us this trip.

We will be working on the island of [name] and also on the mainland during our stay. A pastor's conference is being planned for us to have access to pastor's from all over the region, and we will also be showing the Jesus Film at both locations.

Remember that the predominant language in that country is [languages]. So brush up on any of those languages, but if English is your only language, there will be much work to do among those that know some English, and they love to be able to practice English with some native English speakers.

We will be sending you a lot more information as we develop throughout then next three or four months. If you have any questions you need answered in the meantime, please feel free to call me any time.

We are looking forward to serving our Lord together with you."

WHAT!?!?!?

Okay, long story short: Praying, fasting, praying, praying.

This email came a few months ago, and I am almost positive I am supposed to go on this trip.

I believe that if this is what God wants, He will be faithful.

The only way this is going to happen is God.

Please join me in prayer about these things:

Money. That's a given. No way to sugar-coat it. It's going to cost a lot of money that I don't have. I'm hoping to get a job next month when I turn 16, which will help, but not be enough. Please pray for me in this area.

Even with this, I still will be giving all of my babysitting money to STL for the year of 2012. If you need any house work done, or if there is anything else I can do for you, let me know :)

Someone to come with me.

Yup, you read that right. Since I'm not 18, I can't go alone.

So the only way I can go is if I have someone 18 or older with me.

I know this is an incredibly crazy thing to ask, but please, please pray about if this is you.

I can get you more specific information than what I am allowed to post online.

If it is God's plan for me to go on this trip, He must have a plan for someone else we just don't know about yet :)

Thank you in advance for the prayers. I love you all and can't wait to see what God does in the next couple months.

PS this is crazy.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we could ever ask or imagine." Ephesians 3:20 NCV